If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Randomize
