You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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