we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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