dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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