How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
