Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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