Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
