Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
