there's paper in my vomit.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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