My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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