white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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