Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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