bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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