I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
