Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
