yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I checked into jail on foursquare
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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