Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
