True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
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i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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