oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
