I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Come share oat with me in your robe
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
