i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
