just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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