In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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