You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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