Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
