I'm so fucking centered right now
In America we eat man semen.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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