I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
