Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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