It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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