first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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