what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
