OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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