I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
