They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
