Your face is a jimmy john
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize