On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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