Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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