you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Randomize
