Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
