bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
