when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Randomize
