So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
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I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
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I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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