Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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