I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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