i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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