yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
