it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
