he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
this will be a night to untag.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
