I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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