My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Mom said you looked used
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
