John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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