we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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