Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
