One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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