You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
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The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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