Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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