Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You're like the curious george of whores
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
