I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
