apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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