I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
