Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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