FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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