My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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