i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
