I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Everclear isn't food dammit
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
