he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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