His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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