Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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