how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
