i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
