hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
