My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
