dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
